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Still against her will

So at about 12:45 a.m. Bailey, who was sleeping next to me as she does when her daddy is out of town, woke me up crying out and kicking covers. She complained of being hot so, realizing I felt a little warm myself, I went downstairs to turn on the air. When I got back in the bed I heard her crying quietly about her feet feeling uncomfortable so I reached over and grabbed her hand to help her to relax enough for sleep. It was on fire. I reached up and put my arm on her face and sure enough…fever. 103. So I put on my nurse hat and swooped into action with cold water to drink, a cold washcloth for her forehead, ibuprofen and Tylenol. I sent the school an email and her dad a text.

After reassuring her for the 30th time that she wasn’t dying, the same reassurance I must give her every time she is sick, she calmed down enough to go to sleep. Then the cycle began, as it always does when she is running a fever during the night….Her soft snoring would lull me back to sleep just long enough to have a crazy dream then be jolted awake by her thrashing and crying out, then me digging around in the dark for the cold compress. That went on about every hour…

She finally woke up for good at around 8:30 and seemed to feel a little better, even though her fever has teetered around 101/102 most of the day. Now, on any normal day the girl is all over the place. But today she has been as still as a stone. She has tried to will her body to get up and move, and even tried to talk me into taking her for a walk. She bravely sits up to show me she is better, only to flop over a few seconds later. Even Cookie, our chihuahua, realizes she isn’t herself and has nursed Bailey with her puppy kisses and stayed curled up beside her for the majority of the day.

There has been wordless yelling and occasional shrieks from her for me to help her, to make it go away. What a powerless feeling we mothers have when our babies are sick. I know I’ve done everything I possibly can but my heart breaks feeling like it’s not enough to take her discomfort away.

Now, at the risk of catching her bug, I am going to take advantage of some snuggle time… It’s a risk worth taking because maybe she will feel a little better with me there. Plus, it’s just plain irresisitable. And afterwards I’ll be cleaning like a mad woman because I’m pretty sure I won’t feel up to it tomorrow when I will be right where she is now.

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